This is only mostly my fault....

DivineConman: Why do you build me up... butter cup?
twiggynumber: just so I can let you down.
DivineConman: LEt me down?
DivineConman: Push me around!
twiggynumber: but worst of all...
DivineConman: And worst of all, you never call baby, when you say you will, but I love you still!
twiggynumber: I NEED YOU!
DivineConman: More than anything darling!
twiggynumber: you know that I have from the start
DivineConman: So build me up... buttercup.
twiggynumber: don't break my
DivineConman: heeearrt!
twiggynumber: heaaaaaaaarrrrttt
DivineConman: That was awesome
twiggynumber: god damn, we're terrible duetists.
DivineConman: Yeahh...

Nearing three weeks since last I blogged, a bit surprised no one's bugged me about it. Especially considering the fact that my last "post" was that silly little musical thing. So one day shy of hitting a full three weeks since my last post, and that was really just an apology for my mood, not a real post.
Being back in Omaha this last time was an almost surreal experience in several ways. Describing the break is almost impossible for me, it went by so quickly, primarily because I was always, always moving it seemed. The days developed into a sort of pattern, early part of the day with parents, afternoon with friends, dinner with parents, evening and night with friends. I learned to drive a stick shift and that I am competent in the areas of lifting and moving and not too terrible with a power-drill, no matter what certain people might say.
People were strange over break. Lots of the people I go to Omaha to see weren't there for most, or all of the break. One was in Germany, a few were in Portland, another was in Mexico one left to Colorado for a few days. This added to the disjointed seeming nature of the break... nothing was meshing it seemed, everything was chaotic and random, even though I knew the plan from the very start it seemed.
The snow didn't help, it befuddled my senses, insisting that it was Winter though the break was clearly labeled "Spring".
Break as not without it's ups, though even those seemed to be mixed. I'm finally done with an issue that's been haunting me for months and months, closure, it's wonderful. Ripon has become home for me. This last trip has made me realize that. I think everyone being gone works as a foreshadowing for what the future of Omaha will be, as far as I'm concerned. I was genuinely glad to come back here, glad to be back in my dorm room (the absence of the roomie did have something to do with that I'm sure, but I digress...). I like the life-style I can lead here, the absoloute freedom, my only constraints being obligatory e-mails I send home and lines that I have to draw for myself in the sand.
I've changed, I've grown, and I'm learning to move on. For the first time in my life I'm really becoming independently passionate about what I'm learning. I'm reading diaries and memoirs and reflections for fun. I practically ran to the library when I found out that they had all three volumes of the Goebbels diary in stock. I didn't run, but I arrived almost out of breath from the speed of my walk. I'm fascinated, utterly fascinated, I would go back to the reading but I don't think I would sleep if I did. I forgot to eat dinner again because of it already.
Someone I know solely by her AIM name asked me a couple of days ago.
"Do you like yourself?"
I didn't even think about it.
"Yes"
It was instinctual, I like myself, I'm happy with who I am and where I'm headed. For the first time in my life, I'm not beating myself up over past mistakes. I'm not always second guessing myself once I've done something. I've found true direction, and I'm ready for almost anything right now.

This one was just a bit too good to pass up.

Which Broadway Musical Are You Destined to perform in? by dangerousgame
Name/Nickname
Age
Sex
Color
Broadway Musical	Les Miserables
Part	Supporting Actor
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

If I've been short, distant, rude or otherwise acting strangely lately, I apologize. I've been getting very little sleep lately, and the work was really piling up there for awhile. I actually did homework on Friday and Saturday, which is a first for me. Thankfully things are dying down, my book review is done, my History midterm is done, my Jazz paper is done... I'm just... done, for now.
We watched "The Triumph of Will" today in German History, it's a "documentary" that was made shortly after the Nazi's had seized power in Germany. Suffice to say I am becoming more and more interested in the propagande of Goebbels and his ilk as the film has the German national anthem going through my head for most of the day...

Revelation of the day: Propaganda is a poor way to start a Monday.

You're The Guns of August!

by Barbara Tuchman

Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what
causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they
really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing
with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in
the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can
diplomats."


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I yoinked this quiz from Keon's blog, I liked the answer too much to let is pass by.
Ironically enough I was taking a break from reading a biography on Otto von Bismarck right when I took this, if you don't know what that means... well fie on you.

Saw this on someone else's blog.
Step 1: Load all of you music onto Winamp
Step 2: Put it on random
Step 3: Write down the first 15 songs that end up playing.

I'm not planning on sleeping anytime soon, so I figure, why not?

1. Less Than Jake- Boring Town
2. Simon and Garfunkel- Mrs. Robinson
3. Papaya- Hero (DDR Song)
4. MSI- Thank God
5. Benny Goodman- Goodnight my Love
6. Dashboard Confessionals- Anyone, Anyone
7. The 5.6.7.8- Woo Hoo (That song from Kill Bill when she's fighting the crazy people in the restaurant)
8. The White Stripes- Fell in Love With a Girl
9. Alison Krauss- You Will be My Ain True Love (From Cold Mountain soundtrack, I love this song.)
10. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr.- That Ol' Black Magic
11. Goldfinger- 99 Red Balloons
12. Cowboy Bebop- Ambient Cat Blues
13. Flogging Molly- Irish Pub Song
14. Dizzy Gillespie, Charlie Parker and Sarah Vaugh- Hot House
15. Neil Young- Horse With No Name

Take from that what you will..

Sleep? I hate the word, as I hate hell, and all Montagues.
How do you tell someone to stop having a heart-breaking phone conversation in the hallway so you can go to sleep without coming off as a total ass? I don't think you can... But she has these conversations alllll the time. At least a few times a week... the girl next door is sweet, but she has some serious issues with her... ex... I think... not really sure if they're still dating... I think they might be.
I dunno... I slept too late into the day again, that is yet another factor that keeps me from falling asleep. I just kinda lay in bed for awhile until I decided it wasn't going to happen quite yet.
10 days... 9 now I guess... there's something very magical about being in the single digits... I don't have any great hopes for this break, but it will be nice, so nice, to be back home.
I had a major outburst of restlessness yesterday, I think it was a variety of factors coming to a head.
I have a lot of pent up aggression that needs to get out, I think... I don't have enough people to beat on here in Ripon. I could go back to fencing, but that will create anger of a whole new type, I think. How can you even think about trying to fence if you don't know what a parry is? Sure... I understand you don't know the 8 basic parries.. but looking at me like you've never even heard the word...? The would also be dealing with Will, which is an excercise in futility, he's pushed some of my buttons in the past, and he didn't learn anything from it. I'm sorry, skipping out on a group project that counts for 1/3 of MY grade to spend time with your girl-friend isn't something that will curry favour with me... numb-nuts.
Most of us have been talking about how ready we all are for break... that's nothing new though... of course this is the longest time we've had between breaks since the beginning of the year. I miss conference and snow days... we needed a damn snow day.
It rained and thundered yesterday, that made me exceedingly happy, even if I did kill my umbrella. A moment of silence.. please...
Fuck it.
I realy wish I could start to feel sleepy or something.
Of course... Shame of Life isn't the best lullaby...