Yeah, so I had a message, and then it decided to kill itself, so here I go again.
I like stealing things, I really don't know why, I mean, I always give them back, if I remember. I think it boils down to a desire for attention, I guess I jsut didn't get enough lovin' as a child. Well, here's an inventory of what was stolen today.
-Tyler's scarf and wallet
-Mike's hat (multiple times) and gloves
-Brooke's balls
-Ann Jizba
Yes, I steal people too. I have to say my favorite thing in the world to steal though is Tyler's scarf, it practically begs to be stolen every time I see it. It's probably because Tyler seems to be so attached to the damnable thing, he actually considers it to be a part of his "self" he told me so himself.
Yeah, I'm wondering whether or not to tell my parents I have a date to prom. See, there is this incredible, desire I guess, to see me go out on dates in my family. The fact that I haven't really gone on any since this summer, and the fact that I haven't had a steady relationship since freshman year seems to concern them. I dunno, but as soon as I reveal that I am in fact going to prom with someone, speculation will begin in earnest. Honestly though, it's like my dating life is a matter of personal pride for them.
Emode lies like a dog. It tells me, and all of you who know me very well will find this funny. That first off, I am left brained, meaning analytical and shit. Secondly, it tells me that I must be wonderful at math, and to top it all off.... ORGANIZED!!! I laughed for a good 5 minutes at that, I wanna send the emode people a picture of my car interior, and my big notebook that has all of my papers in it, and my room too.... just have to clean up all the porn first.

Not a teddy.

New linkages to the left, check them out yo!

Any of the people who read this blog already know about my weekend, and other people have written about it already, so I'll leave that up to you to read their reviews.
I've been doing a lot of, well, not soul searching, but searching, and I've been walking around a lot, (taking a page from Burke's book). I've really just been questioning my approach to, life in general. This previous Valentine's Day made me realize a few things, I actually tried to open up a little bit and be the nice person I used to be, and I found it pretty difficult. Just being nice for no reason is something I just don't do that often anymore. I'm not saying I only do nice things for my own benefit, more a matter of, if anyone of my friends needs ANYTHING that is within my power, if they need that it is as good as theirs. But randomly being kind, well....
Probably everyone here knows this story, but, well, it has probably shaped who I am more than any other event, and I seem to keep coming back to it more and more often these days. I wasn't a happy kid for the most part, I had one good friend in my neighborhood, however he went to a different school, it's kind of sad, we've fallen out of touch these last few years. Anyhow, I was the class target, I'm sure you all remember him, the one the popular kids used to make themselves feel better... children can't climb without a leg up after all. I read during recess and I ate lunch alone, I tried to wear the title loner with pride, but it's never that easy.
(This is all going to sound rather self-aggrandizing, but this is MY page after all, I think I'm allowed to brag, and you don't have to read it.)
I learned to run very fast, because I didn't want to fight back, there were always more of them than one. They liked to take my books and run off with them. There was name calling, but very little of it was to my face. (My my, I can see tears welling up in your eyes right now, poor little Peter.) After a year or so of this I finally figured it out, that most of these kids really didn't care one way or another about me, it wasn't that THEY didn't like me, it was just that someone who was much more attractive to follow had decided to not like me. I don't remember how I figured it out, process of elimantion, or as close as I could manage at that age. WEll, anyways, I got into a fight with him, and I nearly beat him senseless, this was third grade. He tried to run, and I wouldn't let him, and all his cronies disapeared when I finally hit back.
I didn't get in trouble, I think the teachers thought he had it coming.
Well, I felt really shitty about what I had done afterwards, I'd lost my temper, which was something that I didn't find acceptable. I haven't lost my temper at another person since than, I've never raised a hand against anyone in anger.... I've also never cried in front of anyone, and most of the time my laughter sounds fake even to me.
I'm sort of attracted to emotional pain, it moves through all those silly little walls I put up because I'm afraid of what someone else might be able to make me do.
Lately I've been trying to cut loose, but for some reason, I can't. I find myself becoming more and more withdrawn into myself as time goes by.. it's so strange, my circle of friends seems to finally be expanding, and yet I want to spend so much more time alone.
And than of course, there's girls. You know, I'm the kind of person who tries to face their fears. I deliberately go up on high places just to spite my fear of heights. I refused a night light when I was a child, even though I was scared of the dark. I eventually got over my fear of people and crowds, I'm really not comfortable, but every once and awhile I can relax. But women, I really don't know what to write here. But sometimes, it's all I can do to remain coherent.
"I came back into my room and removed my shirt, putting it into my chest. It was only moments before I had it out again, I swore I could still smell her on it. I swore to myself that I would never wash that shirt again. All of these years later I look back and smile, not at my foolishness, but at my wisdom." -Robin Hobb

There has been a lack of bloggage as of late.... it seems I'm going to be starting most of my posts this way. I have a good excuse this time though, I was in DC!! Yeah for DC, but I'm glad to be home. It's kind of strange, I actually have to check my e-mail or the things these people are sending back and forth to each other will overwhelm my miniscule yahoo acount. It's really... really nice to be home around people I can actually relax... well... as much as I EVER relax around people. I'm really going to miss a lot of people when I go away to college, I'm going to start talking about an inside joke and realize that not a single person in the state will understand what I'm trying to get at. It's sad, but I need to get out some more anyhow. My circle of friends has grown a bit over the past few months, but it's still pretty confined to a certain group of people.

I need to get really drunk I think, and a neck rub would be nice.

Apologies about the lack of postage, not that anyone reads these anyways, but I feel the need to apologize anyways. This week has been pretty lowkey in comparison to the last few months. I don't mind, but I do feel that boredom is beginning to set in. I need a vacation from all of this, I'm hoping my trip down to DC will snap me out of this funk I seem to be in. Even when I'm with my friends I keep finding that I just kind of want to leave and drive for awhile on my own. I've been a loner since elementary school, and it's nice to be around people sometimes, but as much as I love my friends, most of them don't seem to understand the idea of leaving someone alone.
Anyway, going down to DC on Tuesday, and I'm actually getting kind of excited about it. This is unusual for me, as anyone who has worked with me during shows and what not. See, I usually don't get excited until a few moments before I get on stage. I somehow have managed to avoid letting anticipation grab me. But with this, I dunno, it really seems like it could be a fun thing. For those of you who don't know I'm going down to attend a National Youth Leadership Forum on Defense, Intelligence and Diplomacy. I was huge into the whole spy thing when I was younger. I'm gonna get to talk to a lot of people who have made and will make a lot of the military and political decisions that have affected our nations. On top of that we get to go to places that aren't on the usual tour sights, and there's going to be some cool scenarios where we make the decisions. There are a few of them, but the only one I remember right now is a crisis in Columbia.
The only downside to the whole thing is that I actually had to go shopping for this, thank god for Goodwill. I got 6 dress shirts which look new, (and they are from Land's End, some of you guys will know what that means.) I also got a spiffy double breasted blazer. This all cost about 14 dollars, including three ties that I got. I went shopping again yesterday, got a couple more pairs of pants and another blazer.
Well, I smell likes ass, and I need to brush my teeth, so I'm going to go take care of those things now, buhbye.